Opening shot: Winter, 2024. Nepal. Our hero is hanging off the side of Gyachung Kang, a 26,000 footer in the heart of the Himalayas. The wind is howling like the devil screaming for mercy all around him. This blizzard isn’t helping anything either. Jake Clydesdale (played by Tom Cruise, of course) has seen some action in his time but never anything like this. And the scary weapony thing that could destroy the Earth, which we will from here on call the ‘SST’ (for Scary Scary Thing)? Well, the SST is only 10 feet away but Jake’s only got 30 seconds to disarm this terrifying impending threat and the villain who set it in the first place, Terroristo Stereotypovich (played by Gary Oldman, of course) is holding the casing with the button, a press of which would blow the whole world to smithereens. Add to that the fact that this mountain happens to be the only mountain in Nepal infested with snow alligators, all of whom are crawling towards Jake and none of whom have eaten since spring, and we have the makings of what some experts might call “a bad day”.
Jake crawls one foot up. Twenty-seven seconds to go. The alligators approach.
“It’s no good, Jake”, says Terroristo. One more foot. Twenty-three seconds to go. “I told you this day would come back in June when you thought you had me in that dank little tavern in Vienna”. One alligator gets a little too close for comfort.
Jake moves up two more feet. Only six feet to go and only seventeen seconds to get there.
“You’ll never win, Terroristo. This is not that kind of world”, says Jake as he feels an alligator cannibalistically nibble at his alligator skin boots. Leaping up another two feet, Jake sees the timer on the casing. Only twelve seconds to go. “This world is what I make of it, Jake”, says Terroristo, a creepy grin on his creepy face.
One more foot. Ten seconds left.
“Hey Terroristo, knock knock”.
“Okay, I’ll play along. Who’s there, Jake?” Another foot. Two left. Six seconds. Four alligators surround Jake.
“Destin”.
One foot up. One foot left. Three seconds. Mouths open.
“Destin who?”
Jake lets go of the mountain, leaps and reaches up. Alligator and audience mouths open wide. One second left.
“DESTINY!”
OPENING TITLE….”BLAST FROM THE PAST”
——
Increasingly, this is how we are seeing movies begin. Gone are the days of opening credits at the beginning of films. In the old days, we would hear music set a tone (or sometimes stay completely neutral), as we found out which nineteen different corporations produced the film. Now, for the most part, movies start by diving into the story and then eventually, the title arrives, its moment very specifically chosen. All the details around who was involved in the making of the film tend to show up at the end. Why is this the case? Why have we changed the way we tell stories? And why is this relevant to YOU?
Ask yourself this question: If someone told you they loved you, how would you want to hear it?
Option A: “I love you and here are just a few of the reasons: you are smart, you are funny, and you love animals and they love you!”
Option B: “You are smart, you are funny, and you love animals and they love you. For these and so many other reasons, I love you!”
My guess is that you would probably choose option B for the same reason that we tend to see mathematical equations written out this way:
1+2+3+4+5 = 15
as opposed to this way:
15 = 1+2+3+4+5.
We are learning, as a narrative culture, that we prefer to understand the ingredients of our stories before we name our story meal. This seems to me to be the nature of an informed narrative decision. It also is one that gives the decision more impact. Picture that moment after Jake yells out the HILARIOUS “Destiny” punchline to his knock-knock joke and then, in some insanely cool font, there on the screen comes the title “BLAST FROM THE PAST”. Not only do we have an intellectual understanding of why that title is appropriate, but we also have an emotional attachment to that title as well, having spent the past several movie minutes hanging off a cliff with Jake, not knowing if the alligators were going to bite him and take Jake to his ultimate destiny and us along with him!
When you are speaking in front of an audience, your natural inclination will always be to start by introducing yourself. If you are giving a presentation, you will want to come out and say “Hi. I’m Jake Clydesdale, international man of action and author of the book How to Avoid Snow Alligators While Diffusing Bombs In the Himalayas, or How I Finally Came to Grips with My Daddy Issues. If you are Emceeing a national sales meeting, you will want to come out and say “Hey there, BioGenePharmaBank! Thanks so much for having me! I’m so excited to be here as your corporate host for the next three days!” You will then explain what you are going to do (including, of course, interview guest speaker, Jake Clydesdale).
Essentially, you will have just told your audience that you love them and then told them why.
Instead, why not come out with a blast? NEVER START WITH HELLO! Not even ‘Hey’. Not even a nod. Come out and surprise them. Start with a story. Start with a song. Start with a quote. Start facing backwards. Be Jake Clydesdale on the edge of the mountain!
MAKE YOUR AUDIENCE LEAN IN!
And now, let’s back to the END of the movie:
——
“Hey Terroristo, knock knock”.
“Okay, I’ll play along. Who’s there, Jake?” Another foot. Two left. Six seconds. Four alligators surround Jake.
“Destin”.
One foot up. One foot left. Three seconds. Mouths open.
“Destin who?”
Jake lets go of the mountain, leaps and reaches up. Alligator and audience mouths open wide. One second left.
“DESTINY!”
Jake’s hand manages to grab the casing from Terroristo’s hand, just as Terroristo’s finger is about to press down. Terroristo stumbles backwards and falls backwards. Jake holds the timer, as the counter goes to 00:00. The button has not been pushed. Everything goes quiet. Has Jake saved the world? Again?
Just then, Jake feels something grab the back of his leg. It’s one of the alligators. It has come to the top of the mountain and has him in its grip. Jake lets the casing fall. As Jake struggles, Terroristo grabs the casing and starts to tinker. Suddenly the counter is at ten seconds again and counting.
“Hey Jake, now I’ve got a joke for you. What did the alligator say to the leg?”
“What, Terroristo? What did it say”, says Jake as he struggles with all his might to get this vicious and hairy snow alligator off of his thigh.
Then a voice, but not one with an amazingly accurate both Russian and Middle-Eastern accent like that of Gary Oldman’s, says “Nothing. Cause it was dead!”. A shot rings out. The alligator’s jaws loosen and the beast falls to stillness. Jake looks up. Terroristo looks to his left, just in time to see Willy Willmann, Jake’s younger brother and right hand man (played by Timothée Chalamet, of course), hands gripping deadly cold steel with the scope centered right on the scary smile shaped scar that lay right above Terroristo’s evil looking right eye.
“That joke makes no sense”, says Terroristo.
And it’s the last thing he ever says.
END CREDITS